Since 1992, I have been living by the codes and commands taught to me by Kurt Russell in the movie Captain Ron. In light of its recent showing on TBS last night, I present to you the 10 Commandments of Captain Ron, as told by me.
10. Thou shall not confuse Grr and Go:
There is a difference between guerrillas and gorillas. (Thank you Boss for not staying on the path.)
9. Thou shall not be a whiny bitch while playing strip poker:
Shit happens. Cough it up.
8. Thou shall take location into consideration before playing hide the salami:
Playing this game the shower of an old boat can make for compromising situations.
7. Thou shall not commit adultery:
Well, actually, just don’t get engaged to a punk ass bitch while you’re in high school. Because you’ll end up cheating on him with random Caribbean men.
6. Thou shall be aware of what blue and red represent:
Red running, blue standing.
5. Thou shall be familiar with your French:
Saint Pomme de Terre = Saint Potato.
4. Thou shall consider glass eyes as replacements:
They look real, you just look dead when you’re sleeping with an eye patch on.
3. Thou shall put the car in park before exiting:
Otherwise, it tends to creep backward. Who knew.
2. Thou shall ask for directions:
You just gotta pull over somewheres, n ask directions.
1. Thou shall never swim in murky waters:
You’ll probably get diphtheria or something.
Since 1992, I have been living by the codes and commands taught to me by Kurt Russell in the movie Captain Ron. In light of its recent showing on TBS last night, I present to you the 10 Commandments of Captain Ron, as told by me.
