Transportation is vital in college life. You need to get from Point A to Point B in order to drink heavily at Point B and hopefully not even remember where Point A is. For those of us who choose not to draw and carry detailed maps of our locations around with us, it becomes necessary for transportation to assist us in getting back safely. Powered by clean burning natural gas (because college students obviously care about the environment as exhibited through urination on public shrubbery), the CATA busses aid 40,000 undergraduates in getting around campus daily (especially the fat ones who refuse to walk). Let’s break it down and see what is really offered by this service, because I can tell you right now, it is so much more than just a bus ride.
For starters, let’s deal with the letter busses. The V, the W, the M, the X (not sure if that’s real), they’re all useless. Pointless busses. The running of these bus routes is preventing valuable busses that could be used for the immaculate White Loop, but we’ll get to that. If you don’t have a friend that has a car up here and can drive your ass to Wal-Mart, then simply don’t go to Wal-Mart. I mean, seriously, they’re under a class action lawsuit for gender discrimination and for hiring illegal immigrants. The fruit farmers and landscapers of America are pissed. Do you really want to support a corporation like that? I’m incredibly eerie of any organization where within the same building you can buy clothes, milk, and a Christmas tree….in March no less. These are wasteful busses, and I encourage people not to use them.
Next, the Links. Absolute garbage. The Green Link? Who even knows where the hell that bus goes? I rode it one time as a freshman and ended up lost. That was partially because I’m an idiot when it comes to directions, but I choose to blame the Green Link because it’s an inanimate object that cannot argue back. Screw you Green Link, I slept with your wife. Then you have the Red Link. I’ll give the Red Link some credit, because it is of great use to the laziest of those in East Halls (known as everyone). If you need to get somewhere on Curtin, the Red Link is for you because it spends all day just driving back and forth. Well done Red Link. Give Green Link’s wife a call. I hear she’s looking for a bus that can handle his business.
Finally, the Loops. The Blue Loop is good if you happen to be going in that direction, but it spends far too much time stopping in and around the stadium and the BJC. Wasteful stops that only help one or two people. It’s this type of behavior that makes the White Loop seem even more amazing. Ah, yes, the White Loop. The most amazing bus to ever exist. Take this bus to a party on a weekend night and you will have the ride of your life. People (alcoholics) will be drinking openly in the back seats, and if you get a loyal PSU crowd, you’ll hear football fight songs for sure (the Hey Song at the very least). If you get stuck near the front, just talk to the bus drivers, because the White Loop drivers know what it’s all about. By the time you make it around campus, you’ll have heard tales of Vietnam, prostitutes, Vietnamese prostitutes, armed robbery, childhood obesity, the wild nightlife of Harrisburg (I hear it’s better than NYC), Paul McCartney (he’s even nicer than he seems), and so much more. But probably a little more on prostitutes. Also, make sure to interact with the people on the bus, because you’ll see some characters. A group of girls from East Halls all dressed identically; a dude with a giant backpack filled with clanking bottles; or my personal favorite? A graduate student who has just left the library after putting in some late weekend hours on their dissertation. PARTY! Remember guys, it is the journey that teaches us about life. Sure you want to get to the place and party, but why wait until then? It’s party time right now. Location: The White Loop. When: 9:00pm-????. RSVP – None needed.
Transportation is vital in college life. You need to get from Point A to Point B in order to drink heavily at Point B and hopefully not even remember where Point A is. For those of us who choose not to draw and carry detailed maps of our locations around with us, it becomes necessary for transportation to assist us in getting back safely. Powered by clean burning natural gas (because college students obviously care about the environment as exhibited through urination on public shrubbery), the CATA busses aid 40,000 undergraduates in getting around campus daily (especially the fat ones who refuse to walk). Let’s break it down and see what is really offered by this service, because I can tell you right now, it is so much more than just a bus ride.
